self portrait with bird, Monotype of the Day #755

Day 23 of Year 3

Another self portrait. I'll be exited when this topic plays itself out but for now, I submit to what is given.

I Worried
By Mary Oliver

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

From Swan: Poems and Prose Poems https://amzn.to/31peMGf 

self portrait listening, Monotype of the Day #754

Day 22 of Year 3

I'm working through something with all these self portraits. Although I'm not sure what right now, I am sure that it is important stick with this process and listen deeply to see what's on the other side. This piece provoked a strong reaction of discomfort, so much so that I have trouble looking at it. It must embody an energy that no longer serves me and needs to be transformed. Making this print was a start in that process, a moment of identification. Now I need to embrace this discomfort and work with it by making more prints. The act of embracing what is given rather than avoiding it has transformative power. I may never understand the content, much of art works outside of the conscious mind, but I do have trust and faith in the importance of the process.

mask & polishing the mirror, Monotype of the Day #753

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752.jpg

Day 21 of Year 3

One of the challenges of making art publicly is staying true to your inner voice. Praise can sometimes be a bit of a siren song. Once an artist knows something sells or gets a good response, there is a natural and unconscious tendency to want to continue to produce work that pleases. I've been pouring over the older images in this project in preparation for my book. In the past, I often worked one theme sometimes for weeks. Today I realized that recently I have been unconsciously limiting that practice because I'm worried people might get bored. Luckily, now that I am aware of this, I can release that behavior. I want to listen completely to my inner creative flow without imposing external control. My time in the studio is always a spiritual training and I find that usually external limits come from a place of fear. So tonight's images feel very risky to me, they are different and I'm not sure if they are good, but I'm putting them out there anyway. This project shows what happens on a nightly basis, the good, the bad and the ugly- it's all a necessary part of the process. xo

Print 1: mask

Print 2: polishing the mirror (ghost of the underlayer of image 1)

the artist is watching, Monotype of the Day #368

Day 3 of Year 2

I definitely felt more in the flow today and working larger, on a full sheet of paper 22x30", is fun. I'm feeling landscapes are still in my future, but returning to self-portrait is always helpful in recentering. So much of art is staying through discomfort: the discomfort of pieces not "turning out", the fights and arguments with misbehaving materials, the emotions that come up in the silence of working. Staying through allows all of this to dissipate and something new to emerge. After a few days of struggle, I'm feeling excited again to see what comes.

Learn the backward step
that turns your light inward
to illuminate your self.
Body and mind of themselves
will drop away,
and your original face will be manifest.
by Dogen

xoxo

self-portrait on the occasion of my birthday, Monotype of the Day #339

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On my birthday, I thought a self-portrait would be appropriate. Birthday's are a good time for self reflection. It's been a tough year filled with challenges and transitions, but I'm pleased to report I'm still here, happily working, and feeling grateful. The obstacles of this year have helped me grow and softened and opened my heart. Difficulties can be an opportunity for growth. My feeling is, if I have to go through it, I might as well use it as a vehicle for internal transformation. I want to make my dark pits into mines for gold. I want to be the hero of my story, not the victim. Of course, this is not always an easy thing to do and it is made immeasurably easier by the support of my friends and family. I've said this before, but would not be here today without all of you. My gratitude knows no bounds. xoxo

Love After Love
by Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door,
in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread.
Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.