touched, Monotype of the Day #765

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Day 33 of year 3

When I moved my website this year, I had to move my blog as well. The written content carried over but not the pictures. I've been going through it fixing and reading before I make it live again. Right now I'm in 2009 and I was writing about art and creativity even then. In some ways though the change in me is pretty dramatic. In 2009 I was afraid to post artwork and especially any photos of myself. Clearly those things aren't a problem for me anymore! How to account for the change? I attribute it to two things. One, Illness forced me to sit still and deal with myself, and two, the work. Making art is such a deeply transformative process. I am endlessly grateful to both my illness and The Artist, source of all creativity, for feeding me. It has been a difficult and painful road at times, but though I am more limited physically now, I carried much more internal pain and struggle then. I prefer now. I'll let you know when the blog goes live. xo

life force, Monotype of the Day #621

Day 251 of Year 2 (Actually Day 256)

Tonight's poem has brought me so much solace in my life. In many ways, to people who live with long term illness, shelter in place is a familiar feeling. We have had to give up so many things over the years, parties, trips, important family events. We know how much it sucks and how much grief it brings. But we also know that we can grieve our cancelled events and come through on the other side. We have been forced to learn that beauty is possible amid loss and that waiting is just a skill. So now as we wait for this storm to pass I offer you tonight's poem as salve. My love and prayers to all those who are suffering or ill.

Gitanjali 81
By Tagore

On many an idle day have I grieved over lost time. But it is never lost, my lord. Thou hast taken every moment of my life in thine own hands.
Hidden in the heart of things thou art nourishing seeds into sprouts, buds into blossoms, and ripening flowers into fruitfulness.
I was tired and sleeping on my idle bed and imagined all work had ceased. In the morning I woke up and found my garden full with wonders of flowers.

From Gitanjali https://amzn.to/2Ux6jgV

the gift, Monotype of the Day #539

Day 169 of Year 2 (Actually Day 174)

With just 8 days until I deliver my work to the gallery, I've been very busy. With no time to clean my studio at all, today it was just so far out of control I couldn't stand it. I've attached two pictures of the mess and one picture of a light clean I did just so I could think again. After the work is delivered there is going to be a major deep clean and studio organization. I'm generally against spending too much time straightening up but sometime you need to let the old energy go to make room for the new. This is another one of those non-art related tasks that people never think of when they romanticize artists working away in their studios. 😊
Today's print is about the wounds we all carry. The way we chose to carry them determines so much of our experience. I'll delve into this more deeply on another night when I haven't spent so much time cleaning! xo

sketch, Monotype of the Day #475

Day 109 of Year 2 (Actually Day 110)

Just a quick sketch tonight. I'm busy setting up for the studio tour this weekend and I guess I overdid it. I cant lift my left arm. I'm not too concerned, it happens, but I am a little put out. 🙂 However, I've learned to just surrender. This too shall pass. The less I get caught up in the mental suffering the easier it is. Sometimes there's nothing you can do to ease physical pain, but you can always shift your mind to change the experience of what you have to undergo. I've posted this poem before, but it always helps me. I do not feel as wretched as this poem at all but the point it makes is a good one. The inner world has a profound effect on the outer world.

Invictus
By William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/51642/invictus

self portrait with timer, Monotype of the Day #462

Day 96 of Year 2 (Actually Day 97)

To be alive is to have anxiety, angst, pain, all of it. Holding these emotions in will block the creative flow. Uncomfortable, darker feelings must be acknowledged to be released. The artist needs to be fearless in their embrace in order to find the Light. This piece helped me empty my vessel for more creativity to flow in.


Secret Language
by Rumi, Trans. Coleman Barks

Every part of you has a secret language
your hands and your feet
say what you've done
and every need brings in what's needed
pain bears its cure like a child
From the website Poetry Chaikhana https://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/Poets/R/RumiMevlanaJ/SecretLangua/index.html
Transcribed from a CD: Secret Language https://amzn.to/33FhIOr

Emanation, Monotype of the Day #429

Day 63 of Year 2 (Actually Day 64)

The trip really took a toll on me. I'm moving like a snail around the studio. One of the many gifts of studio time is that when I am working, it's not that the pains go away, but they cease to matter. For that creative moment it's just me, the ink, and the energy flowing through, nothing else matters. It's such a privilege to be in that sublime energy. Strangely, it is as much an earth energy as it is a spiritual one. The two worlds exist at once. While working, I feel completely rooted in the earth and the present moment while feeling the hand of The Artist moving through me. the artist (me) and The Artist working together, master and apprentice. I will sleep and hopefully tomorrow I will feel better, but if not there is still the studio to nourish and heal in the loving embrace of The Artist. (Poem below the title)

Logos
by Mary Oliver

Why wonder about the loaves and the fishes?
If you say the right words, the wine expands.
If you say them with love
and the felt ferocity of that love
and the felt necessity of that love,
the fish explode into many.
Imagine him, speaking,
and don’t worry about what is reality,
or what is plain, or what is mysterious.
If you were there, it was all those things.
If you can imagine it, it is all those things.
Eat, drink, be happy.
Accept the miracle.
Accept, too, each spoken word
spoken with love.

From Devotions: The Selected Poems of Mary Oliver https://amzn.to/2LUFsqu

The Opening (2), Monotype of the Day #425

Day 59 of Year 2 (Actually Day 60)

Still approaching the keyhole. What will be inside? It makes me feel hopeful. I've seen lots of art this week so I feel hopeful and inspired too. However, lifting my arm has been a bit difficult which has made monotyping more challenging. Luckily it seems to be dissipating. I've learned to respect these pains because they always have something to say. Still, and surprisingly, the work is about this keyhole and not the pain. This tells me there are more important things afoot. Patience, work, and listening are all that's required for now.

the gift, Monotype of the Day #401

Day 36 of Year 2

I totally overdid yesterday. I was at a family wedding and sometimes it's worth it. But today, I barely moved, that is until I got into the studio. Somehow the energy I find in there is always enough to squeeze out at least one print no matter my state- exhaustion, fever, truculence ☺️, you name it. It is the generous gift of The Artist to the artist and I am grateful. Now the creative surge has ebbed and I am off to bed. xo

like a window, Monotype of the Day #396

Day 31 of Year 2

When I first started the Monotype a Day project, I had strong feelings about going into the studio and let's just say they were not always safe for work. I had a lot of resistance and sometimes I was vocal about it. ☺️ Some days I just plain didn't feel like working but I always made myself anyway. There are still some days I don't feel like going into the studio, but the habit of working is so strong it overrides everything else. I notice I am sick, or cranky, or whatever, I observe it and then I just do it anyway. There isn't even a question so why argue with myself? It's amazing how strong habits are. They can carry you through so much emotional turbulence (worries, anger, resistance, distraction,...) like a strong, secure floor during an earthquake.


I Worried
By Mary Oliver

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

the artist holds space, Monotype of the Day #383

Day 18 of Year 2

I have a lot to deal with, everybody does. Sometimes though, the amount of time I use each day to manage my illness feels overwhelming. This forces me to make conscious and wise choices about how to spend the rest of my time. I am grateful to be reminded not to squander time but to live. It's tricky though because when your body isn't cooperating, your mind can begin to box you in too. You can easily create more limits than your physical state requires. To hold that space open, to have fear but act anyway, is a muscle that must be worked everyday. So much of life is about the space and freedom we allow ourselves in our own minds. I know I have physical limitations and an illness, but I have never thought of myself as a sick person.

the delivery, Monotype of the Day #378

Day 13 of Year 2

I'm feeling really grateful tonight for all the support I've received throughout the entire monotype a day project. I've been amazed this last month or so because I've sold 10 monotypes so far. 🤸‍♀️🎉 An artist has to find inner validation for their work, but I won't lie, it feels fantastic to know so many people value my art! I am so grateful and I will remember everyone's generous comments, purchases and good wishes over the last year+ next time I hit an ebb in the studio. I am mining the same vein that I have been at since I was a young child. Faith in working has always keep me strong. Tonight's poem expresses what I feel about this perfectly. (PS. I've fallen in love with a new poet!)

The Way It Is
by William Stafford

There's a thread you follow. It goes among
things that change. But it doesn't change.
People wonder about what you are pursuing.
You have to explain about the thread.
But it is hard for others to see.
While you hold it you can't get lost.
Tragedies happen; people get hurt
or die; and you suffer and get old.
Nothing you do can stop time's unfolding.
You don't ever let go of the thread.

help will come, Monotype of the Day #374

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Day 9 of Year 2

A great studio day today. Meditation is back and it makes such a huge difference in the creative flow. I've been trapped in my head since day 365 and that blocks everything. Finally while working, I lost myself completely again. Happy dance! Things are marinating inside. I feel it, but the work goes on. I am relieved and have a great deal of gratitude for this gentle beat of work that gives rhythm to my life.

The Sea's Repeated Gesture
By Denise Levertov

Stroking its blue shore
though out the night, patient, patient
determined rhetoric that never
persuades, the rocks unwilling
to be pebbles, nights and days and
centuries passing before the pebbles
dwindle to join the sand, the sand itself
at last barring the sea's way
into the land, an island
forming from the silt. Yet still
all this night and all
the nights of our life the sea
stroking its blue shore,
patient, patient