groundwork, Monotype of the Day #634

Day 264 of Year 2 (Actually Day 269)

Many of us are in the midst of deconstructing, if temporarily, a way of life. Routines are scrambled and the things we thought would come to pass have not. This is a moment of letting go, of ebb. But if we look to nature, we see that every ebb has its flow. It is the retreat of water that allows the wave. In this moment when it seems nothing is happening, the roots of something new and unknown are taking hold. The unknown can be scary and for some more than others. Tonight's poem is for those experiencing anxiety. My love to all who are sick or suffering. xo

This work is paired with "Retrospective" by Jane Hirshfield

Read it here embedded in this article https://www.vox.com/2020/3/21/21173809/book-review-poetry-poems-jane-hirshfield-ledger

from Ledger https://amzn.to/33nvmXF

cocooning, Monotype of the Day #628

Day 258 of Year 2 (Actually Day 263)

It's helpful for me to think of this time as cocooning rather than quarantining. This way I emphasize the potential for growth and transformation rather than fear and anxiety. We have to think very carefully about where we put mental energy. What supports us in continuing to live life as fully as possible during this strange time? The outside world is fixed. We must stay put, but the inner world is wide open. What will we make of it? My love to all those who are sick or suffering.

windows, Monotype of the Day #618

Day 248 of Year 2 (Actually Day 253)

Is this a sunrise or sunset? I wasn't sure until I realized it is both. One way of being is ending as another is coming into form. Now is a moment of deep surrender and trust. It is a moment of unknowing. Our old ways have, at least for the time being, come to an end. The studio teaches so much. In the studio the artist learns to let go and embrace the unknown, to let life force run through them and into the world. By doing this, the artist is changed and healed, enveloped by the greening, generative energy that undergirds all of life. What happens in the studio then spills out and effects the world. If you feel helpless think of the artist. There is little we can do right now to change the outside world. We must stay home, we must wait. But we can look inside, we can find kindness for ourselves and others, we can heal and reshape our internal world and thereby create ripples that positively effect everyone around us. We have lost a lot but all is not lost, we can still make these moments count. Sending prayers for healing and love to all those who are sick or in difficulty. xo

the rescue, Monotype of the Day #463

Day 97 of Year 2 (Actually Day 98)

The physical nature of art materials have a large impact on the way a piece unfolds. My current black ink of choice doesn't allow the rich darks and beautiful line quality of my old ink. Because of this, I feel a bit disappointed in the results. Tomorrow, I hope to go back to this image and find that quality I am seeking. But, whether or not the piece is a success visually, it is definitely a success in shifting my internal landscape. It was born out of sitting and breathing with some fear and anxiety that were plaguing me today. The feelings have passed. I go to sleep with a clear mind and heart.

This work is paired with by "Building and Earthquake" by Jane Hirshfield

Read it here: https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.7560/723436-065/pdf

from Come Thief https://amzn.to/2Bvvya1

"so many fish long for bait", Monotype of the Day #266

The title is a quote from the poem below. This phrase touches me deeply, we don't always know what is best for us. Our desires are not always for our highest good. Sometimes the thing is just to breathe and wait to be filled by the unknown as our desires pass us by. This is a lesson in trust and trust is one of foundations of making art (and also of healing).

Cooling Off
by Wang Wei
English version by Willis Barnstone
Original Language Chinese

Clear waters drift through the immensity of a tall forest.
In front of me a huge river mouth
receives the long wind.
Deep ripples hold white sand
and white fish swimming as in a void.
I sprawl on a big rock,
billows nourishing my humble body.
I gargle with water and wash my feet.
A fisherman pauses out on the surf.
So many fish long for bait. I look
only to the east with its lotus leaves

http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/Poets/W/WeiWang/CoolingOff/index.html

Release, Monotype of the Day #245

Hospital print day 4

So I’m feeling a lot better today! But I’ll probably be here until at least Monday. I realized I was a lot more worried than I consciously knew. Now that things are sorted and I’m on the mend, I need to release that anxiety. Carrying it around can only suck energies needed for healing. That’s what this print is- I purged that helpless scared feeling out. xo

Not now!, Monotype of the Day #243

Hospital print day 2 (fortunately I made my first day’s print at home in the morning. Just a feeling) Here’s the thing about the hospital, you think it’s a break from your daily life, but it’s not. The days you spend in the hospital are just as precious as any other day. The trick is reconciling yourself to your fate so you don’t suffer over suffering. Sometimes things are so bad a patient is just in survival mode. Barring that I’ve found the hospital to be filled mainly with charming people who spend their lives in service, some of the cream of humanity. While I would much rather be home and feeling well, I am determined to enjoy my stay as much as is possible. In other words, I’m keeping my crankiness to a minimum 😊😘

On Birthing, Artwork and Finding Joy

Christine over at Abby of the Arts (one of my favorite blogs) posted this Meister Eckhart quote last week, and I can't stop thinking about it:

All beings
are words of God,
His music, His
art.

Sacred books we are, for the infinite camps
in our
souls.

Every act reveals God and expands His being.
I know that may be hard
to comprehend.

All creatures are doing their best
to help God in His birth
of Himself.

Enough talk for the night.
He is laboring in me;

I need to be silent
for a while,

worlds are forming
in my heart.

-Meister Eckhart

An artist needs to be silent to create, but how to find this elusive silence?It's clear that the Divine Creator wants me to find silence because my life in recent years has been stripped down to bare bones, the noise and chaos cleared out. Using my health as an agent, God has sent me into exile. First from work and late-night socializing, then from volunteering and now even from my friends and family. I've written about this before, but last year my family and I were forced to move from the northeast, south in search of warmer winters. So here I sit with a large share of the doing purged from my life, but what of silence?I assumed that in my exile I would find nothing but space to unfold and work. Instead I found everything that the doing was designed to suppress. I found fear and anxiety, anger and sadness- a lifetime of regrets I never had time to feel. Now after years of learning to sit with these feelings, many have processed through. I am emptier than I have ever been. But still I have resistance to entering into that sacred space. Why?It is the same reason that has always caused artists to drink and spiral into depression and fear. It's not that life is so dark, it is that it is so beautiful and dear. I am only beginning to be able to tolerate the tiniest drop of the joy and pleasure that God offers us. An artist brushes that pleasure each time we create.I have emptied myself to such a degree that there is no barrier left to that deep connection with my maker, that deep intimacy and joy. I find it difficult to proceed. But for me there is nothing else left, there is my connection to God which is expressed in two ways alone: my relationships to the people I interact with (most particularly my friends & family) and my creative process.I am terrified to pick up my brush, to mold my clay. But there is nothing else for me to do. I will take baby steps and breath, just as I learned to tolerate my fear and still function, I will learn to tolerate and embrace my joy. This is what I was born for, to be one of God's wombs. Rilke's advice to an aspiring poet says it all:

Go into yourself. Search for that reason that bids you to write; find out whether it is spreading out its roots in the deepest place of your heart, acknowledge to yourself whether you would have to die if it were denied you to write. This above all- ask yourself in the silent hour of your night: must I write? Delve into yourself for a deep answer. And if this should be affirmative, if you may meet this question with a strong and simple "I must," then build your life according to this necessity; your life even in its most indifferent and slightest hour must be a sign of this urge and a testimony to it.

Rilke, Letters to a young Poet, Trans. Herter Norton

On Peace, Resistance & Creativity

Peace
Peace flows into me
 As the tide to the pool by the shore;
It is mine forevermore,
It will not ebb like the sea. 

I am the pool of blue
That worships the vivid sky;
My hopes were heaven-high,
They are all fulfilled in you. 

I am the pool of gold
When sunset burns and dies --
You are my deepening skies;Give me your stars to hold..
-Sara Teasdale

My theme for this year is creating peace. In my last post, I wrote about my belief that we can release some of the pressure building up in the wider world by addressing that chaos and pressure in our own little garden. By changing our interior selves we powerfully effect those around us for the good. With this in mind, I have been ferreting out all the sources of pressure and turmoil in my own life. To my surprise, I find they are all internal. It's not the breaking of a glass in the kitchen that brings turmoil, it's my response. The more I resist a situation, the more upset is created.I recently became aware of just how much I resist everything. My greatest resistance turns out to be to my own feelings. I resist feeling angry, sad, or experiencing uncomfortable memories; I even resist feelings of love and connection which are too intense. When I am resisting, I have to throw myself into doing something, anything so I won't have time to feel. This unconscious need to do, causes more turmoil than anything else in my life. I end up forcing things to happen in ways are destructive instead of allow things to unfold in their own time. And because art cannot be forced (it must be allow to unfold), this behavior also kills the creative impulse and the artist's connection to the divine flow. It clogs the divine well and gums up its receiving vessel.Since Thanksgiving, I have worked tirelessly to not resist my feelings. As a result, I experienced about a month of intense, overpowering anxiety- an anxiety so strong I almost felt I wouldn't make it through. It woke me at night and stalked me during the day. But I stuck with it. When anxiety bubbled up, I would stop and be still, embracing the fear as long as I could hold it. Then I'd take a break and enter back in. Eventually, I passed through this intense cloud. It was breathing that got me through, huffing and panting, almost like I was in a month long labor.Amazingly, this has experience has shifted my whole being. I know real quiet and peace for the first time in my life. My connection to my family is deeper because I can tolerate and hold more feelings of love. Now when something comes up, whether it's anger, anxiety or pleasure, I'm there to I feel it instead of running away. For the first time ever, I have a physical sense of being here on this planet and a consciousness of my "vesselhood" and the value that that holds. I'm tossing out the clutter from my vessel left, right and center. I am an open jar waiting for Divine creativity to fill me.In closing, here is a picture of my newest sculpture of St. Francis and a link an old post containing his writing on what is perfect joy. I'm going to put together a video of him, but this week it's so cold I just have to stay in bed with a heating blanket! Peace- Sybil

The Virgin Mary as Artist's Exemplar

Post Updated: I've bumped up this post from last month because I added photos of the sculpture it inspired at the end.This poem by Thomas Merton is, perhaps, the most beautiful and moving Mary poem I have ever read:

The Blessed Virgin Mary Compared to a Window
Because my will is simple as a window

And knows no pride of original birth,
It is my life to die, like glass, by light:
Slain in the strong rays of the bridegroom sun.

Because my love is simple as a window
And knows no shame of original dust,
I longed all night, (when I was visible) for dawn my death:
When I would marry day, my Holy Spirit:
And die by transsubstantiation into light.

For light, my lover, steals my life in secret.
I vanish into day, and leave no shadow
But the geometry of my cross,
Whose frame and structure are the strength
By which I die, but only to the earth,
And am uplifted to the sky my life.

When I became the substance of my lover,
(Being obedient, sinless glass)
I love all things that need my lover’s life,
And live to give my newborn Morning to your quiet rooms,
-Your rooms, that would be tombs,
Or vaults of night, and death, and terror,
Fill with the clarity of living Heaven,
Shine with the rays of God’s Jerusalem:
O shine, bright Sions!

Because I die by brightness and the Holy Spirit,
The sun rejoices in your jail, my kneeling Christian,
(Where even now you weep and grin
To learn, from my simplicity, the strength of faith).

Therefore do not be troubled at the judgements of the thunder,
Stay still and pray, still stay, my other son,
And do not fear the armies and black ramparts
Of the advancing and retreating rains:
I’ll let no lightning kill your room’s white order.

Although it is the day’s last hour,
Look with no fear:
For the torn storm lets in, at the world’s rim,
Three streaming rays as straight as Jacob’s ladder:

And you shall see the sun, my Son, my Substance,
Come to convince the world of the day’s end, and of the night,
Smile to the lovers of the day in smiles of blood;
For though my love, He’ll be their Brother,

My light – the Lamb of their Apocalypse.
-Thomas Merton- 1944

I feel this poem physically. It engages my spirit, my mind and my body. I can not put words to the way this moves me.I am devoted the Virgin Mary on many levels, but today I will talk about Mary as Womb, the physical location of creation. As pure Vessel for God’s Light, she is the ultimate exemplar for the artist. Just as Franciscan monks in the Middle Ages sought to imitate Christ as a spiritual path, so the artist must seek to emulate, in however imperfect a way, the path illuminated by Mother Mary. Merton describes her state:

"It is my life to die, like glass, by light:"

and

“When I became the substance of my lover,(Being obedient, sinless glass)I love all things that need my lover's life,And live to give my newborn Morning to your quiet rooms, “

The artist must strive to be empty, to be clear of "self", to become wholly filled with the fecund stream of Divine Creativity. Then this endless wellspring is constantly seeking to pour through the artist so that it may be joined with matter in the act of making art. This is the artist's sacred duty, channeling Above into below. (I written a lot about this see the "Making Art Category" of this blog for more.)This poem also tells us that true union and emptiness come without fear. Translated for the artist: true creation, without trying control Creative energy but in partnership with it, provides a release from creation anxiety and fear. It is the process of trying to control that creates fear. The artist must become, as Merton so beautifully describes "like glass". This is something I am beginning to know again after many years of intense creation anxiety.

Therefore do not be troubled at the judgments of the thunder,
Stay still and pray, still stay, my other son,
And do not fear the armies and black rampart
sOf the advancing and retreating rains:
I'll let no lightning kill your room's white order.

I am so grateful for this poem. Any poets out there, keep writing and take heart. Poems can transform lives.This sculpture was inspired by this post and visa versa. These are photos of it in process. I'll post more after it has been fired and glazed.Thanks for looking!