going deep, Monotype of the Day #819

819-going deep.jpg

Day 87 of year 3

“Creativity takes courage.” – Henri Matisse

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.” ― Thomas Merton , No Man Is an Island

The life of the studio has the same ebbs and flows as everywhere else. Some days or weeks are easy and joyful, some are difficult, and some can feel like trudging through mud. Right now I'm experiencing a bit of a malaise with my work. The darker more muddy colors this month seem to reflect that. When Matisse said "Creativity takes courage" he may have meant the courage to express yourself or to break norms, but there is another type of courage. I it see in my fellow artists, the courage to show up and do battle with the self, to create in the face of every self judgement, every moment of resistance, and painful or uncomfortable feeling that spills out in the work. I am grateful everyday for their example to guide me. More than anything else, to adapt Thomas Merton, being an artist is a journey of finding the self in order to lose the self. It is a journey of deep transformation leading the artist ever deeper to the loving arms of The Artist.

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Joy: Shifting to Meet the Unshiftable

One day seven years ago I found myself saying to myself -- I can't live where I want to -- I can't go where I want to go--I can't do what I want to -- I can't even say what I want to --....I decided I was a very stupid fool not to at least paint as I wanted to.-Georgia O'Keeffe

I haven’t posted this week because I’ve been feeling at a bit of a loss. I’ve finished a major cycle in my life. I have a wonderful trip coming up, but for these 2 weeks, I’m stuck in my home. Basically, I can’t go out because it’s so cold. It’s felt like a prison and I’ve been fed up like I’ve had enough. I’m turning 40 later this year and my life is nothing like what I imagined it would be.Then I realized that I’m expecting my external world to change and make it all better. I’ve spent about 18 years of my life moving every year or two, always searching for a new situation that would make things better for me. It took illness to knock me flat on my back and stop me from running. I was forced to engage my interior world and I saw that my problems stayed the same in each move, only their faces changed. But my illness could not be changed by running, so I had to shift myself to meet it otherwise I could not have gone on with my life. I know I would have died years ago.Now I’m back in the same place: the fact of winter, at least for now, can not be changed. I’m here with two precious weeks and all I can think of is getting away from the cold. I've stopped painting and writing and lost sight of the fact that this is Divine will; this time is a Divine gift. I must turn inward to mine for the gold. By shifting within myself, I can find the joy here even in what feels like a (temporary) prison.I haven’t made any art since my operation so tonight I’m picking up my pen again. Tomorrow I’ll post a photo of my work. Who knows what it will be? See I’ve already found some adventure in my own home…. I live for adventure. It is my joy.

Work cures everything.-Matisse

--------------------------------------------------------A new practice: I will end each post with 3 things I am grateful for on this day:1) My husband2) It was a sunny day3) I finally saw the Divine message in my situation